Jordan Mentz

You know exactly what I need
You know exactly what I want
There are times when I forget
What it means to want you first

A lot of times I don’t ask
A lot of times I am afraid
So many times I try to hide
And you know the times I’ve lied

You know how I’m feeling
Even when I don’t believe you
You gently hold my hand and tell me it will be alright
You do not forget about me, but the things I confess are no more

I may feel like an unforgiven, unworthy soul but I am healing
I come before you, as a man that has been forgiven
Washed in your blood, but yet white as snow
There is freedom in your name

You know the secrets I try to keep from you
You know when I wake up my anxious thoughts
I can’t understand why you pursue me when I spit in your face
You continue to show me love, it is then I get a taste of grace
I have chased things that I have tried to replace you with
Trying to fill the void me without you and separated

Wanting to come back but feeling nothing but hurt and regret
Forgetting what you told me when you said you forgive and forget
Hidden behind a make believe persona
Thinking nobody needs to know the person who is behind it
Wanting someone who loves me beyond my inequities
Someone who wants to hold me, and loves me for me

Trying to keep you at a distance
Thinking no one could love me because of who I am
Crying to get past the hurt that keeps on coming
Trying to think of my creator but still I have questions
Running to keep up with myself and finding a road filled with healing
I give you my heart today, and want to live my life your way

I run away and you pursue me with relentless affection
You have shown me what it means to love others
When people seem to hate the poor,
Turn the other way and don’t pay attention
I have hurt for others, but never the way you hurt for me
When I fall down and lose my footing
You pick me up and clean my wounds

You tell me that it will be ok, and you wipe the tears from my eyes
Putting a smile in my heart and I know that you love me
With the same relentless affection you show the poor in the spirit.
I tried to hide from you, but you came to find me
I was lost like a sheep with no one to lead me
A shepherd came looking, and wouldn’t stop looking until you found me

I have been trying to get by on my own but it left me hurting
I tried for a while but realized that I didn’t have the strength
This life has thrown me curves, and I didn’t want to continue to dodge them
I knew that sometime, I would get burned by the fire I was playing with
I wanted to come to you but I was too scared
Now asking myself why did it take me so long

Inspired by Rich Mullin’s off the album the Jesus Record, Man of no Reputation

Can you tell that something is different
If I didn’t say a word but turned the other way
If I told you that I loved only one
But you saw me late on the telephone
How would you take it if
All your friends left you

I am so confused
I am sure you are as well
But between me and you
I see a living hell
A torrent of emotions
a plethora of thoughts flooding my mind
Each time leaves me speechless

Trying so hard
to get to the top
of the everlasting ladder
I didn’t want it to end but knew it had to
I couldn’t deal with the pain that you caused me
Broken my heart right from the start

You asked me if it could ever work out
have a fairytale ending
I told you there is nothing
because I had to let you go
So tell me why I feel this way

Inspired by a conversation I had with Cory Spears.

When we first got together…I thought you said that you loved me…
There is nothing in your actions…that lead me to believe the truth in those words…
No not now…things aren’t as they used to be…something changed and it really hurts…
You told me that you loved me…then I realized that I wasn’t the only one…you said that to…

Trying to get back…the time that I wasted…the signs upon which your face was pasted…
As a phony…and as a cheat…I’ll say that you were marchin’ to a different beat…
For when I saw you…with him for the first time…I knew there was someone else…
Entering into your life…you chose to open the door…for a life of pain and regret…

Locked alone in a room with some other man…No one will ever have to know…
But now that I have found you…the real you…I realized that I didn’t want to be with you…
I didn’t want it to end…but you were telling me that I never wanted it to begin…
I didn’t know how to tell you…I had no idea it was me against you and your significant ex…

Inspired by a conversation I had with Cory

Trying to piece back a life…that I thought you completed…
only to find out you took all the pieces…that I gave you and mixed them all up…
A simple apology would’ve done…looking at the horizon…just another wave…
My heart is like an ocean of emotion…and with you it just washes away…

The memories we had together…seem as cold as the ice inside of your heart…
Sometimes people give you the cold shoulder…and something tells me inside you’re colder…
Didn’t want it to end this way…but you gave me no choice…
Standing shivering looking at the waves…wanting something to be different…

If you knew the feelings I had of you…All the sudden they all washed away…
Standing alone on the beach…thinking of what could’ve been…now standing alone…
A shattered life…another relationship to learn from…Then I ask was it worth it…
What I wanted to become a fairy tale…has become my worst night mare…

Inspired by a conversation Cory and I had, about writing to what was popular.

So many people want things to be easy
Trying so hard to make ends meet
I wanted all the pain to go away
I wouldn’t have to cry wolf any longer

Why can’t the Christian walk be easy
Answering myself by the blood given on the cross
Looking at everything gained as loss
Trying to save my Savior from the bloodshed because of me

Why can’t the world understand the world we live in
Trying to comprehend the impossible will only leave us in a state of confusion
Thinkin’ that the walk was only a mile would be alot easier
But then I remembered that you told us to go the extra mile

I am sleeping so soundly
my head against my pillow
nothing on my mind, and it’s just me and my Lord
Looking at the ceiling, thinking of what I could’ve been
Trying to chase these feelings out of my mind so that I can sleep
I am twisting and turning, trying to get comfortable

Laying awake looking at the sky
Asking myself why did you have to die for a sinner such as I
Looking at the clock, telling me just 5 more minutes til I have to wake up
I want to hit the snooze, just one more time slip into my unconscious mind one last time
But something keeps whisperin’ whisperin’ my name, telling me to take on the day
Can’t really answer it, because I am half asleep but hearing it so crystal clear

I sit up, wake up, stand up, get up
Telling the voices in my head to shut up
Don’t ever realize that the voices in my mind, are of you Lord
I so many times, try to filter you out pretending you don’t exist
Do I ever really just let you speak to me, or do I always hear what I want you to say

Wake up from your unconscious state
Wanting to make a difference
Catching the people who fall asleep at the wheel
Watching them careen into nothing
Asking why didn’t I tell them to wake up

Inspired by Leeland

Shopping in the store looking in the mirror, wonderin’ how I look in these pants
There is so much emphasis placed on personal appearance
But there have been a lot of misperceptions, about what looking good will get you
How do I look is not the question we should be asking

How do I look to you Lord
How does my behavior reflect that of my maker
You see me as white, even when others look at me and say unclean
Washed in the blood of the lamb, who has redeemed me

How does my heart look to you
What does it mean to live for eternity
The life I live here in the body
Will fade away in light of your glory

Sometimes I find myself floating around in reality
Trying to step on something while knowing there is nothing
My feet I thought so firmly planted, turned out to be standing on the air
I wanted to love you, but I didn’t think you cared

I want to stand for you on my own two feet
Trying to keep my feet on the ground and they want to keep on running away
But I know that there is so much love between you and me
You long to be with me, so I am asking you to help me stand on my own two feet

Has it been a long time since I asked you for help
Have you been waiting for me all the time I was gone?
My heart so confused sometimes, didn’t even notice it was straying from you
I didn’t want to admit it, but now I am helpless but you have taught me to depend on you

I have been trying for so long to find something that was missing
Then I realized I had already found it, but didn’t know it
Having to struggle through the days,
that formed a shattered past
Thinking that something was missing
Knowing there needed to be something to fill the void I felt
Looking at the cards, wanting something else dealt
I am slowly beginning to understand what it means to seek you
Even though I already found you, you still are pursuing me
Even when I close my eyes and fall asleep at night
Trying to imagine where I would be at the end of the day
I can’t comprehend the treasure that I have in you
I don’t know the words you speak to me all the time,
All I know is that you love me, you spelled it out on Calvary
Wrote it upon creation, and penned it in my heart
Trying to explain the way that I feel about this joy
Like a cat reaching for a toy
Seems so many times that it’s just out of my hands
So I take my life and place it in yours
Hidden from others, because I am hiding in you
Trying to find in my own strength the power to carry on
I keep trying to find what I already have
Knowing that you’re never stop pursuing me and wanting me to come to you
Not knowing how deep the love is you have for me
Open up my eyes and allow me to see the beauty you’ve placed inside
Hidden within the heart for your people wanting to let the world know