Jordan Mentz

There are times when I want to be held close…there seems to be no one to hold me…
Other times I want nothing to do with love…all I need is a simple pat on the shoulder…
When I need it most I tend to push love away…what has my life become…
I turn my back and walk the other way…what has come between us…
Why does it seem that when I need to feel loved…I pretend that I don’t
Love so easily escapes me…slipping from my grasp…
I know it doesn’t disappear…only in my mind…
Why does it feel like…I forgot what it was like to be held…
Climbing to my Daddy…with tears streaming down my face…
Open up my eyes…show me your grace…
I hurt and tried to cry away my hurt…pretend they don’t exist…
The pain I felt for so long…seems to be getting better…
Whenever I let someone else know…they point me to you Lord…
It seems like its been forever…since I let you hold me in your lap…
Seems like forever since…I listened to your voice…
I hurt…but didn’t allow you to hold me…
To whisper your love for me…you stroking my face…
I couldn’t see because…my fears got in my way…
I couldn’t feel because…my perception of you was skewed…
I couldn’t embrace you…because my hands were full…
Trying to carry my own burdens…when you took them to the cross…

We all long to be held
We all long to be embraced
We all long to be cherished by someone
We all long to be touched in a way that only you can
Why is it that when the way gets hard and lonely
The last place we turn to is you…and the first thing we turn to is ourselves…
Ending up with the longing of wanting to be held…
This world has dropped us…and doesn’t care anymore…
Why do I still trust it…and let it hurt me more…
There are so many things…I wish I could tell you…
You tell me it will be ok…and to trust you with my entire life day to day…

I know in the end…I can’t hide anything from you…
I know in the end…I don’t want to keep anything in the dark…
I know in the end…I’m the one…
Who has not let myself be held…in the love you gave me…
I want to learn what it means to embrace you…I want to learn what it means to be held…

Why did you tell me that you love me
Why did you tell me that you care
Why did you say there was no one else
Why did you look at me with that fire in eyes

Why did you hurt me, forced your love upon me
Why did you wound me by saying nothing
Why did you offer to hold my heart
When all you wanted to do is leave it in millions of pieces

Why did you tell me that you wanted me
Why did you want me to be real
Why did you hide from me how you really feel
So much pain that I have to unpack

There are times when my brain is confused
Times in which my body feels used and abused
The emotions of my heart unveiled
There are times when I couldn’t even shed a tear

I sometimes feel like I am falling
I long for someone to hold me
To tell me the stories of when you turned the water into wine
Sitting on my Father’s lap
Listening to Him telling me he loves me

Why is that sometimes I feel so far away
Did I push you away, did I tell you to disappear?
I didn’t mean to do it, but you gently stroked my face
Wiped the tears from my eyes and saw through all my lies
You allow me to snuggle up and fall asleep in your arms

Dad how I long for you to tell me how much you love me
You told me about the one hill, on which you showed your love to me
Nailed up on the cross between two theives,
I tear up whenever you tell it, but I long to listen to you sing
I love you my child, and you are mine

When you feel lonely you can crawl into my lap
When you feel alone ask me and I will tell you stories
There are times when you need to cry
You can look into my eyes and I understand my child
I created you in my image, and now I will show you.

Dedicated to Molly Schwaninger