I thought I knew what it looked like
I thought I knew where exactly I hid it
I thought I knew when I lost it
I thought I held the answers

You lifted up the heart that I passed
I thought I did a good job of hiding the hurt that remained
You told me you were holding it, and protecting it from more hurt
I tried to see it through your eyes, but my heart was still believing lies

Lies that I will never make it
Lies that I will never be good enough for your love
Lies that I didn’t realize I had chosen to believe
Lies that covered my perception of what was true about you

My eyes were filled with tears; fears that my heart was ruined beyond repair
My soul was filled with a sense of loss; a deep longing for something bigger
My head was busy with swimming thoughts; what if I had lost it
My body was filled with panic; the kind that comes when your about to lose it

At the cross with your arms spread you restored my heart
At the cross with your nail pierced hands you bought it
At the cross with the spear in your side you offered me your own
At the cross with the blood you redeemed me

I tried to figure it out what it meant to trust on my own
I tried to discover what the world was all about only to come to one conclusion; you’re my life
I tried to hide for so long, and I tried so hard to conceal my pain
I am done with the hiding; I am done with the pretending;

Have you ever wondered what your heart would look like with no bondage
Have you ever wondered what your heart would look like with no chains
Have you ever questioned what your heart was made for
Have you ever asked God to not only restore your heart but to heal it

Inspired by the Audio Blog Over and Underneath by Mike Donehey from Tenth Avenue North

Dedicated to Tiffany Rogers

I feel like there is something I want to tell you
I’ve felt a connection with you but I’ve not let anyone know the reason
I feel like I am trying to explain something that goes so deep
I know that we are here to serve our kids and ultimately our God
But so many times I feel I don’t share enough of how I am feeling
Sometimes I feel like I am to open and I scare a girl off
I get all clammy and I can’t talk but I know its just because of my nerves
I didn’t want to hide myself from you, but I didn’t want to hurt you either
I have been trying to hide from the world for so long
Knowing that now I can be open and I was born to be strong
Sharing my heart with others sometimes can be awkward because I don’t
Know how they will react, but thinking that it shouldn’t matter
Like a child I learn how to communicate my desires with others
Maybe I should hide my feelings from others because I don’t trust enough
I know that sometimes I feel like letting others know how I am feeling
Is too much of a risk, so I am willing to take that risk with you
I am so thankful that I get to work with you and we can teach together
The times that we sing not caring what others think; just being ourselves
I know that I am blessed to have you as my friend
A teacher who can believe and hope for the best
There are times that things don’t go exactly how they are planned
But we learn to adjust and choose to make it work

Inspired by Bethany’s Devotional given on July 7, 2009

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. If he had a wallet, your photo would be in it.  He sends you flowers every spring.  He sends you a sunrise every morning.  Whenever you want to talk, He listens.  He could live anywhere in the universe but He chose your heart.  Face it friend, He is crazy about you.  Working with children can be so rewarding, but it can also be very tiring.  There are times when we sometimes question, “Am I really making a difference in these little ones lives?” I have noticed that each of us have a story to tell, we all have learned lessons that we can share and for everyone it is very personal.  Within the first year of my life, I had 5 brain surgeries because I have a condition called hydrocephalus.  I spent the first four weeks of my life blind, and after numerous surgeries I was able to see.  As I was growing up, I realized that there was a purpose for me being alive. If I would’ve been born five years earlier, I wouldn’t have survived because the technology used to save my life was new.  I grew up in a Christian home, and I had always learned in Sunday school that I needed to make my own decision.  On my 4^th birthday, I was out with my family at a Pizza Hut.  My brother simply asked me if I wanted to go to heaven or hell.  After describing both to me the best that he could, I told him I wanted to go to heaven.  I prayed and asked Jesus into my heart, and that was the best b-day present I have ever gotten.  Some people have the misconception that asking Jesus into your hearts is an end instead of a beginning.  Following Jesus is something you have to commit to every single day.  People think that it will be an easy road.  I want to tell you that it won’t always be, but it will be worth it.  God didn’t promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. Have you ever wondered how God could you bring you through something, and felt like He didn’t want anything to do with the situation? I’ve felt this way, only to find out that He loves me, and wants me to spend time with Him.  I had a very tough time discerning if God wanted me out here because things just kept falling apart.  After 35 e-mails, of trying to figure out if I had housing, I knew that the moment I was told I did I was supposed to be out here because Southwest had an amazing deal from Indianapolis to Denver.

God has given me so much to be thankful for, and yet a lot of times I don’t remember to express my praise to God.  Matthew 10:42 says,  “And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward.”

Teaching the truth is essential especially in the lives of children because they are still so pure and innocent.  We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.  Isaiah 53:6.  But there is hope for us, because God is with us no matter what.

We need to remember that the parents, are entrusting their most prized possessions to us while they are here.  They expect their little kiddos to be brought up in the way of the Lord, and by talking to them we can help them begin to give them a glimpse of how much God loves them, and longs to hear, be with them.

Here is a poem I wrote

Jesus told us to love the children

Love one another, and let the little ones come

The world told has told me that children are a burden

Another child they see as a mistake

Jesus’ heart is for the little ones, and he gave us the chance to serve them

Love overflows my heart when I think of the impact I can have

I know that I am made to love

I know that I am made to serve

I stand amazed in your presence

I fall to my knees in wonder

As I gaze at your splendor

I want to crawl into your lap

Tell me a story

You have shown me the pictures

You’ve trusted me with your children

You’ve blessed me with a heart to serve

There are many times I want to express the way I am feeling to God and others, but I am afraid to.  The kids tell us exactly what is on their minds, and I hope that one day I can communicate with others and God in the same way.   God knows my heart, and He enjoys it when we tell Him what is on it.  When I cry he tells us that “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled” Matthew 5:6
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” Matthew 5:8.

Have you ever felt like a little kid, not knowing how to communicate your needs with the people who want to help you.  As you grow older, you start placing less trust in others and more in what you can do.  This shouldn’t be because as a child knows what they need, they are expectant on others to provide for their needs.  Why is that the older we get; the less dependant on others we become?  We should become more dependent on God with every step.  Children don’t really have a reason not to trust the people taking care of them, because they are not wounded by the world.  It makes me so happy that we find our worth not in what others think of us but rather we find our worth in who God has made us to be.

Lots of times we try to hide from God, but we know that He already knows.  Little children are so open that sometimes they tell on themselves.  I wish that we would be that open with Jesus.

In conclusion, remember we are making a difference in not only little kids lives but also the parents.  God is using us as His vessels and we are loving them.

Based on Psalm 73:28
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity.

So many times I want to go with the flow, regardless of my past or which way the wind blows
There are situations in our lives, that leave us questioning the reason that we are here
I rest in the promises that Jesus is always near
Can I even begin to explain, the affects of the culture on my life
Another trying time, cutting like a knife
There are many things that I can try to hide behind
But in the end, my Sovereign Lord will be all I truly find
There are many needs in the world today
There are many things that draw me away, distract me and make me turn the other way
I long to be new, I long to be true, I long to worship you in all I do.
Many obstacles that I thought would make me a better person,
In the end only leading me further down the road to sin
A friend loves at all times, and I can see Proverbs 17:17 in your life is coming alive
When I was wounded you have held my hand, when I felt my life was doing a nosedive
Hard to imagine where I would be,
If you had not spoken words of truth to me
A mentor to help me through
Reminding me what is true
I just wanted to write these words of love
to show you how blessed I am to have you sent from above.
There are things that I share
Because I know that you care
A Godly woman to speak truth in my heart,
Moving to Indy, providing a brand new start.
A time to grow, and a time to know
A time to reap whatever you sow.
Living life is never easy, but neither is walking alone by yourself
So you decided to help me, and told me to get my Bible off the shelf.
We listen to others, and are interested in other’s lives
We both serve a Savior who always forgives.

How can a God who is so caring let people hurt for so long with no signs of life
Sometimes it seems Lord you have fallen asleep, but I know you haven’t hid your eyes
I try to explain the way you work, and I come up short every single time
I want to be a hero and take away the pain, but I know that only you can do that
Only you know why bad things happen to good people, and yet you allow it
Each wound that you allow, may they bring the victim closer to you dear Lord.
I know that Calvary wasn’t just for me and you, but teach me to come to you for justice
The systems of this world are faulty, and each time I pray for you to bring peace
There are so many times when we ignore that God’s in control
You died for everyone, not just the Christians of the world today
Take a battered girl and make her whole again
Hold her in your arms oh Lord
Comfort her in her pain that’s driving her insane
Help her to find peace, help her find joy
It is strange that I don’t know her, but I pray that this would be true
Hold her tight as the world tries to steal her tender heart
I ask for you to bring healing for the wounds that were left
I ask you to shower her with the grace that you had when they spat in your face
A peace that transcends all comprehension, a love that heals each and every wound
Piece her back together and dwell within her heart
I am asking you to bring justice and some how bring your name glory through this tragic time
I don’t understand everything, but I am confident that you do
I am asking for you to rain down your mercy upon her
Reign supreme within her deepest longings
I ask all this in your name Amen.