Jordan Mentz

It’s hard for me to understand what it means to forgive them, the people who want to inflict harm on others, just because it gives them an adrenaline rush. I know that there is forgiveness, but I just don’t understand the hurt they must feel. I know there is hope for the worst of people, because I know that I am one of them. I know that the sacrifice you made is for everyone, but sometimes I try to compare my self to others, and say I am better than that. I know it’s not the truth, but I am asking you to show me that I don’t deserve anything good. I know that your love is a gift, for everyone and please help me not to be selfish and keep it to myself. When we don’t forgive we only hurt ourselves, and where we go wrong is when we start justifying our actions and putting them up against the most heinous crimes against humanity. I know that I was the reason you had to die, because of sin I am separated from you. I am hopeful for tomorrow, because I have a future. I am trying to love others that seem too hard to understand. I admit I am not perfect, and I am not any better than the rest. I just want you to know that I need you to guide me in this journey called life. I am asking you to teach me how to love unconditionally, even the people who find joy in making my life difficult. Life isn’t always fair, but I know that you will make it right in your timing. So many times we don’t want to wait, we want to take matters into our own hands and administer our version of justice right away, but we need to trust you to make every wrong right. The people involved in Columbine, the victims, the gunmen, the families, all are searching for your love.
The people who were involved in planning September 11, all are in need of grace. When I look at them, teach me not to look at them with anger but with a broken heart, because if I didn’t know you could I be capable of such crimes. We all want the bad guys to lose, but in your upside down world we need to love them.
I don’t understand why you are using me to communicate your heart, but I feel honored that you have given me a gift. I don’t have it all figured out but hopefully your words will come to life for people who read them on my website. All glory goes to you Lord.

Inspired by Tenth Avenue North’s song “Losing” off their album “The struggle”

Jesus was put to death on the cross for our sins on Friday
On Sunday Jesus conquered death by rising from the dead
On Friday people were stricken with fear
On Sunday people were overwhelmed with joy
On Friday we shouted for him to be put to death
On Sunday, we cried because he wasn’t in the tomb

Jesus died for us while we hated him
The power of the cross is for those saved by it
Jesus loved the dirty
Jesus can relate to the outcasts, and calls them friends
Jesus has more power than Satan could ever posess
On Sunday, Jesus rose victorious over the grave

On Friday we couldn’t believe our eyes that Jesus was on the cross for us
On Sunday, we couldn’t beleive our ears when the angels said “He is not here”
On Friday, we didn’t know what to do but mourn
On Sunday, we didn’t know what to do but stand amazed
On Friday, we were so sad as he hung on the cross, knowing we put him there
On Sunday, we couldn’t wait to put our hands where the nails went

When situations seem hopeless, when you are faced with Fridays
Remember that Sunday is just around the corner
When you’re faced with mountains, remember you serve the God who can move them
When storms arise and it seems like you are sinking, God walks on water
When rain comes, there is gonna be a rainbow
Will you trust in those promises.

I am up late again thinkin’ about the way I’m gonna trust God to provide
Tryin’ to understand what it means to wait and see God’s will

Tossin’ and turnin’ not able to get comfortable
Steppin’ out of my comfort zone and into the great unknown; take my hand go with me

New heights of love, new mountains to be climbed
Life is takin’ us on a ride; hold on tight we’re in this together

Another night up late tryin’ to dream
Another day in the books

Lookin’ forward to the day when I am able to trust God to provide for our needs
Lookin’ forward to the moment I realize that I just need to let Him care for me

Tryin’ to figure out the bills, and gettin’ upset when they don’t add up
Thinkin’ about the reasons my efforts aren’t good enough

Tryin’ to get organized when my mind is a mess
Tryin’ to sort out what am I to do to be a servant of the most high

Sortin’ out the truth from the lies
Sortin’ out the facts from the gossip

We all are askin’ who can save us
We all are lookin’ for someone to rescue
We all are searchin’ for something constant

On the cross you came to save us
On Calvary you came to our rescue
In a changing world you remain the same

Save us from our worst enemy, which is our selfish nature
Redeem a soul wounded by the fall
As we cry out we are overwhelmed, answer our prayers

So many times we get distracted by things that lure our hearts
So many moments we seem to lose sight of the cross
Countless days are spent trying to make it through

Save us from the false reality that we can do life on our own
Save us from the fake world we try to create
Save us from the faulty logic this world tries to sell us

I look in your eyes through my tears I see your smiling face as you hold my heart; battered by the storms of life as my hands are outstretched not knowing what I needed to grab a hold of. Life has taught me many valuable lessons; I can’t do it on my own as I hold your hand you tell me you will help me through the trials I am facing. I am shaking as I learn the meaning of trust is, your strong arms gently embrace my soul and let me feel safe. As you hold me I feel valued and cherished; I feel secure and loved. There are times when my perceptions shield my eyes from the truth. Even when my day seems cloudy you help me find the rainbow that appears because the sun is shining somewhere. The calmness that I feel as you hold me gently lifts me over the obstacles that stand in my way and keep me from the truth; your voice gently whispers your arms are wrapped around me when I feel like giving up and I feel like throwing in the towel it is then I remember to look up as you gently hold me and tell me it’s gonna be alright.

Your past shouldn’t affect your future dreams
Your past shouldn’t be remembered by you if you’ve repented

Dream big, beleive God will help you get there
Dream big, believe God has placed those dreams inside
Dream big, because we serve a God who can make your dreams a reality
Dream big, because we serve a God who can align your heart with his

You shouldn’t get down if you feel your dreams have been thwarted
You shouldn’t give up on your dreams because you’ve hit an obstacle
You shouldn’t have to supress the dream while you go through life

God knew your dreams from the beginning,
If you can achieve your dreams in your own power, then you need to dream bigger
You serve a God who is bigger than everyone of the obstacles we face
You serve the one who knows what dreams will bring Him the most glory

Every day I wake up and realize that I am in a battle for my heart
There are times when I feel victorious but other times I lose my will to fight
I wonder if there is a reason I feel such opposition; a battle for my soul
Every moment of everyday is a battle that has already been won by the cross

The battle ragin’ like a fire in the forest; burnin’ through the trees that keep my vision hazy
The fire will not go out; because my heart is at stake but has already been redeemed
A bloody battle; my savior died and defeated death
Broken by my sin; getting back up and fallin’ prey again

For my battle you tell me I will need to take up your armor
The helmet of salvation; to protect my mind from lies
The boots of the gospel; so I may find peace
The belt of truth around my waist; to remind me who I am to you
The breastplate of righteousness; to guard my heart against temptation
The Sword of the spirit; the word of God
The shield of faith; to extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one

The battle for my war torn heart; when I feel like giving up has already been fought
The battle for my soul; when I feel resistance is futile has already been purchased
The battle for my mind; is fought from the trenches every thought held captive
The battle for my strength; I feel weak, but you’re my strength

You have been my truest ally; You have been been my closest friend
I was once a convict held in bondage; an inmate longing to be set free
My heart a was a prisoner of war; wounded by the fall
You have restored me; and given me a new mind

I felt like I was far away; but you beckoned me to come
I felt like I had failed; you brushed me off and helped me up again
I felt like I had nothing left to offer; you told me you gave your all for me
I felt like I had nothing left to give you; you told me to touch your scars and remember
I felt like I had been drained of everything; you told me to come to you and be filled
I felt like I had nothing; you told me that you gave me everything

Sometimes I feel like this battle will get the best of me
Sometimes I feel like this battle has no definite outcome
Sometimes I feel like this plan of attack is strange; but you have taught me to trust
Sometimes I feel like this pain is too much to bear; you have bore it for me
Sometimes I feel like this hurt only happens to me; you have felt everything
Sometimes I feel like this past is too much to look past; and you show me that you don’t keep track of the things I’ve already confessed
Sometimes I feel like this burden of my sin will crush me; you took the burden on your son

Oh where has my heart gone, its been so long since I saw it
I felt it beating sometime ago, but right now it’s impossible to know
I know that it’s hiding somewhere, because I keep on breathing
I know that it’s in there, but right now I find it hard to even care
A wandering heart, a thirsty heart, a lonely heart is all that I was able to recover
I knew it looked like the one I once had, but this one was bleeding and needed love more than ever
I didn’t recognize it at first because so many things had happened, and it had been broken so many ways

I thought I knew what it looked like
I thought I knew where exactly I hid it
I thought I knew when I lost it
I thought I held the answers

You lifted up the heart that I passed
I thought I did a good job of hiding the hurt that remained
You told me you were holding it, and protecting it from more hurt
I tried to see it through your eyes, but my heart was still believing lies

Lies that I will never make it
Lies that I will never be good enough for your love
Lies that I didn’t realize I had chosen to believe
Lies that covered my perception of what was true about you

My eyes were filled with tears; fears that my heart was ruined beyond repair
My soul was filled with a sense of loss; a deep longing for something bigger
My head was busy with swimming thoughts; what if I had lost it
My body was filled with panic; the kind that comes when your about to lose it

At the cross with your arms spread you restored my heart
At the cross with your nail pierced hands you bought it
At the cross with the spear in your side you offered me your own
At the cross with the blood you redeemed me

I tried to figure it out what it meant to trust on my own
I tried to discover what the world was all about only to come to one conclusion; you’re my life
I tried to hide for so long, and I tried so hard to conceal my pain
I am done with the hiding; I am done with the pretending;

Have you ever wondered what your heart would look like with no bondage
Have you ever wondered what your heart would look like with no chains
Have you ever questioned what your heart was made for
Have you ever asked God to not only restore your heart but to heal it

A story is told with each breath that we are given
A story is told with every life that is bein’ lived

We sometimes get so caught up in writing our own story with a fairy tale ending
We forget how the story was written from the very beginning

Trying to write our own story will end it pre-maturely
Trying to figure out how it’s gonna turn out will leave us feeling empty

The story you tell is your own; a reflection of the Love that you’ve been shown
The story you tell may be different; it’s hard to see how all the pieces fit together

Only you and God can write it; Please don’t try to end it
Only you and God can tell it the way it happened; there is healing in sharing

Did you wonder if anyone would remember if you were to come back
The God who made you loves you; you can let him hold you

Shattered hearts because of broken dreams; hurting in a way that no one else knows
You’re afraid because of your past; fearful of what your future may look like

You don’t have to write the story that God has already written
You don’t have to live in fear that you won’t make it

A battle waging within my soul; wanting to do what’s right but choosing what is wrong
A war of my mind; knowing what the right thing to do is
Walls are going up around me; yet I am afraid they will crush all I am
Trapped inside a self inflected cell; longing to make it out unscathed;

Trapped inside is a sensitive heart; trying to heal
Trapped inside is a world of emotions; waiting to be expressed
Trying to figure out the real me; the one inside of me
Trying to escape; trying to break free from this cage that has me doubting

Lookin’ out at the world around me; but not allowing them to see the real me
Tryin to recognize the person that I’ve been hiding; been locked up in a closet
There are times that I just want to push through these walls; break free from bondage
I keep on marching; but the walls are closing in

There are times that I just want to curl up and cry; why is it so hard to be real
So many times I have the fear of rejection; but never putting myself out there
There is only one thing that matters; that my Savior loves me
He will knock down the walls I made; if I am open and honest with myself and Him

Trapped inside a closet; a slave to myself
Locked inside a dungeon; While Christ holds the key
I am breakin’ down; God will break these walls
I am at the end of myself; nowhere else to turn