Jordan Mentz

Thinking that there was chemistry between us trying to express my feelings
Asking myself why did it have to end this way
I guess I knew better to think there was no such thing as clean break
I didn’t want it to end and tried my best to save it
In the end it ended up hurting me alot more than if I just let it go

I felt like I had been burned for being real
Sometimes I question why I feel
I didn’t want to touch it, because I knew it would sting and bring back
The things that had plagued me for so long after I had my heart broken
I felt like no one would understand,
I felt like no one cared for the reason that my heart was bleeding
I bumped it one last time, I hurt enough and told myself it would heal
Without ripping it open, and cleaning the infection that caused it to hurt
I didn’t trust myself, and I didn’t trust other people to care properly for my heart that I felt had been ripped out of my chest and trampled by the road

Looking back, I learned I didn’t want to go back but I couldn’t find the strength to move forward either. It hurt to walk away, so I just though all my pain would heal, if I stood still doing nothing
I found out that my wounded heart needed to be healed, and there was hope for me
I was scared to let anyone inside my pain, because I thought it would ad to the pain
I didn’t trust my maker, because I knew it may hurt but I knew what I needed but was too afraid to accept it
There have been times when I have accepted that I was hurting
There have been times when I was to numb to feel anything.

So many times we say to ourselves it won’t work out
Even if it does we often question was it really worth it
The emotions that you just wish that you had
Caught up in the aftermath and tryin’ to figure out what 2+2 is
I thought I knew the answer but it only left me wonderin’
Was it really that easy or did I just wish I had more of the equation
It’s so hard for me to express the things that I am feeling
It’s so hard to be real and let the world know that I am bein’ real
Why does it have to be hard is it cuz we are afraid of getting hurt
Tryin’ to get out from under the weight this world has placed on me
It’s so hard to break out of the mold, cuz every time we try we feel cold
Learning to trust and beleive in the things unseen
Have you ever realized that the emotions you used to hide behind
Are just fabricated to try to fit the things you want everyone to know
The things that you don’t want people to know are the keys to your heart
We try to hide behind the wheel and let someone else drive
Always we end up wishing that we had said something and we didn’t
Too many times we question without trusting the answers
It’s so hard to be real because you don’t wanna be left hurting
In the end the only one hurting is you
Because you don’t want people to see your heart
You feel broken and confused right from the start
There is an answer I could give you to help ease away the pain
Jesus will take away the fear that is making you insane

Why did you tell me that you love me
Why did you tell me that you care
Why did you say there was no one else
Why did you look at me with that fire in eyes

Why did you hurt me, forced your love upon me
Why did you wound me by saying nothing
Why did you offer to hold my heart
When all you wanted to do is leave it in millions of pieces

Why did you tell me that you wanted me
Why did you want me to be real
Why did you hide from me how you really feel
So much pain that I have to unpack

There are times when my brain is confused
Times in which my body feels used and abused
The emotions of my heart unveiled
There are times when I couldn’t even shed a tear

So many guys to choose from with only a few real ones
Lots of times girls fall for what they want inside the guy
Not for who he is on the inside, but because of what they want him to be
I just am a guy trying to speak the truth, there are more to guys then what you see
Knowing that guys try to hide their feelings and they don’t want girls to know
The torrent of thoughts flooding their mind like a hurricane

Wanting to find a guy who will affirm you
Wanting to feel loved for who you are
Longing to be close
Longing to be free
Guys want to provide that for you, but the truth is
God is the only one who fulfills your needs
There are guys who will grab you and sweep you off your feet
But there are some that will hold you close, and whisper that they love only you

So many times guys are fickle
Not knowing what they want
So many relationships can based on physical attraction
But is it worth the guy breaking your heart darlin
In the end is he worth the emotion, that he cant get up the nerve to tell you
I don’t mean I am perfect, just wanting to be real and write a song
to give a glimpse of what guys are thinking

This song goes out to all the girls who have been crushed by guys in the past

I’ve been thinkin’ a lot lately…about the way things could’ve been between us…
I want to learn to let it go…move on with life and roll with the punches…
I was wanting to tell you…how much you hurt me…but I didn’t have the nerve til now…
There was never anything between us…and I don’t think there could ever be…

What is done is done…lets try to move on with life…
I wanted someone to love me…but I found my heart broken…
I placed my hand in yours…for the first and the last time…
I really wish it didn’t have to end…tryin’ to figure out how it began…

I’ve been thinking what could’ve been…The times do you remember when…
We used to have fun together…as a couple, but Christ wasn’t the center…
So what was I thinkin’…that it will work out, based on what I wanted…
I am not sorry that it happened…but sorry it had to hurt…

There are so many emotions…woven deep into my soul…
Because I don’t want anything between us…but it seems like you still want things to happen…
Crying because I say I can’t hang out tonight…I wanted to, but I knew it was better if I didn’t…
I’ve been busy…and its not because I don’t like you, but its because I have been moving on…

A song inspired by my relationship with a girl, that didn’t work out and learning to move on.

Inspired by a joke Katie and Jeremy pulled on me, tonight saying that they were going to break up, but having it all planned out and in the end teaching me to guard my heart.

So many times I allow my heart to be vulnerable because I want to help
But there are sometimes when you have to look both ways before you help your friends
Your heart may become the punchline of a “harmless” joke
Trying to give advice really drains someone emotionally and then when you look back,
They said it was a joke, but playing with someone’s heart never is the right thing to do
I need to look at the people with a cautious eye before I offer my advice
As a child of God, I am to protect my heart and want to save it for my wife
trying to help others out, but realizing there is a time and place
If you don’t watch out it blows up in your face
Trying to protect the thing that keeps you breathing
But wanting to be vulnerable will only leave me seething
I wanted to help in the midst of the heartache,
But then you realize that it’s your life at stake
is it really worth it, to let others use your heart as a punching bag
Then get up and play another game of cherades
I wanted to be real to tell others how i feel
It is then I realized the theif comes to destroy and steal
I realized tonight that I am loved by my maker
I know that it is a lesson a virtue learned in time.

I gave you a poem…some may say that its my heart on paper…I asked you what you thought…
You tore up the piece of paper…threw it up in the air…leaving it to fall to the floor in millions of pieces…
I wanted to share some of my thoughts…my dreams and desires…with you but I found out too late…
that it wasn’t meant to be…before my paper heart fell to ground…then I knew it made no difference…
if it was me…or if it was some other girl hungry guy…you would’ve done the same…
I gave you just enough of my heart…for you to throw back in my face…

Sitting at the table…across from your family…eating the Christmas dinner…
The setting was bleak…and quiet but inside my mind was racing…
A fragile delicacy laid before me…and I knew the next time…I needed to be open…
I would think again…before I laid my heart bare before you…
I wouldn’t give the next girl…the same pieces of my puzzle…until I knew that she wanted to help me…
put the puzzle together…just me and her…with every piece revealing another stop…
on the journey along the way…just wanted to make sure…that I wouldn’t be crushed again…

My paper heart…is so vivid…but only certain people can see what its worth…
My paper heart keeps beating…as long as there are words to be written…
I wanted for the paper to be formed in to some kind of beautiful picture…
I know my master…will provide me with the pieces of my puzzle…at the exact time…
Trying so hard to hold back…the thoughts that have been welling up inside of me…
I have decided…to take another chance…knowing my creator…will never shred my paper heart…
The world may leave me dark and broken…and searching for something greater…but I know I belong to God…

Can you tell that something is different
If I didn’t say a word but turned the other way
If I told you that I loved only one
But you saw me late on the telephone
How would you take it if
All your friends left you

I am so confused
I am sure you are as well
But between me and you
I see a living hell
A torrent of emotions
a plethora of thoughts flooding my mind
Each time leaves me speechless

Trying so hard
to get to the top
of the everlasting ladder
I didn’t want it to end but knew it had to
I couldn’t deal with the pain that you caused me
Broken my heart right from the start

You asked me if it could ever work out
have a fairytale ending
I told you there is nothing
because I had to let you go
So tell me why I feel this way

Inspired by a conversation I had with Cory Spears.

When we first got together…I thought you said that you loved me…
There is nothing in your actions…that lead me to believe the truth in those words…
No not now…things aren’t as they used to be…something changed and it really hurts…
You told me that you loved me…then I realized that I wasn’t the only one…you said that to…

Trying to get back…the time that I wasted…the signs upon which your face was pasted…
As a phony…and as a cheat…I’ll say that you were marchin’ to a different beat…
For when I saw you…with him for the first time…I knew there was someone else…
Entering into your life…you chose to open the door…for a life of pain and regret…

Locked alone in a room with some other man…No one will ever have to know…
But now that I have found you…the real you…I realized that I didn’t want to be with you…
I didn’t want it to end…but you were telling me that I never wanted it to begin…
I didn’t know how to tell you…I had no idea it was me against you and your significant ex…

Inspired by a conversation I had with Cory

Trying to piece back a life…that I thought you completed…
only to find out you took all the pieces…that I gave you and mixed them all up…
A simple apology would’ve done…looking at the horizon…just another wave…
My heart is like an ocean of emotion…and with you it just washes away…

The memories we had together…seem as cold as the ice inside of your heart…
Sometimes people give you the cold shoulder…and something tells me inside you’re colder…
Didn’t want it to end this way…but you gave me no choice…
Standing shivering looking at the waves…wanting something to be different…

If you knew the feelings I had of you…All the sudden they all washed away…
Standing alone on the beach…thinking of what could’ve been…now standing alone…
A shattered life…another relationship to learn from…Then I ask was it worth it…
What I wanted to become a fairy tale…has become my worst night mare…

Inspired by a conversation Cory and I had, about writing to what was popular.