Written at a time when I had a whirl wind of emotions but they didn’t make sense so I am trying to let my feelings speak when my heart is too weak.
I am tired and weary from being haunted by the things I did…to be honest I thought you forgave them…but you showed me the areas…I tried to hide behind…and make up excuses why it was gonna be okay…if I never confessed them out loud…there are no secrets in this life…that are worth dying with…
You know my heart…you know my past…you have seen me run from you…you have seen me turn my back…you have tried to tell me…but my heart wasn’t in a place it could listen to your voice…I admit sometimes I make excuses…and then try to make it right…but sometimes I don’t know what this heart is doing…
Through my pain you are bringing me healing…never thought divorce could be so painful…but I am learning that you have so much still left to teach me…I thought if I buried my pain deep enough…the healing would come shortly after…you are teaching me…I still have a lot to learn…
My emotional trip has been a rough one…people never asking…but I couldn’t hide from you any longer…I don’t understand why things happen…but I probably would make an excuse even if I knew…because sometimes I just want to turn my emotions off…and act like things don’t affect me…