My thoughts about possibly losing a friend.
I don’t want to tell you that I’ve been through hell
I don’t want you to be a part of it when we scream and we yell
Silence is a mystery, because I don’t know if I hurt you
I don’t mean to be a bother because I know I can be a bit much
I know your life is different now, a friendship that was something for so long
I’ve tried everything but it feels like I’m talking to myself
I am laying on the floor, waiting on the phone call or the text saying you heard me
I am trying to cope with decisions that I have to live with
Trying to get better, but why is it so hard
I don’t think it’s right that we have to fight
We don’t try to make it right
My eyes are cloudy because I cry myself to sleep at night
I didn’t know what was going on between us, because even an emoji would mean the world
So many thoughts about what it must be like, with a new addition to the family
I don’t feel like I matter anymore, because friends check in on each other or so I thought.
Looking up at the ceiling, going to through a lot of things that I need help with the process
Looking up at the sky, and wondering if our friendship has died
I don’t expect you to understand the reaction I am having because this is me
A trial each day trying to fight for my friend because I care
Maybe my texts aren’t going through would make sense that technology doesn’t work
Maybe my feelings have a disconnect somewhere, and what I thought you wanted too
A friendship doesn’t have to disappear just because our lives our on different trajectories
It feels like a war inside my head, because every time I try to text you I got t prepare for silence
Do I need to grow
Do I need to mature
Do I need to understand
Do I need to see other people’s perspectives
I’ve got a situation right now
I’ve got room to grow
I don’t know what you want from me
I don’t know where I let you down
I tried to reach out because I looked up to you
I am taking a few steps that are helping me see others better
It’s hard when there feels like I want to remain friends but it’s hard for me to keep hoping
It seems like there is something else going on between us
Something that I am not seeing
Please tell me what I am doing wrong
So I can work on fixing it.